I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
