yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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