i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
