i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
