He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
