So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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