so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
