I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
