So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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