Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
