So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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