fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
