you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
