she smelled like a LAN party
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
