weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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