it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
