life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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