I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
