No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm both gender and math confused
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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