moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
