I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
