so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
