what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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