I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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