her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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