hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
