guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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