High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I need moral support for this bender
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
