I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
