I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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