you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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