I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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