You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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