I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
