"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize