So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
