a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
