All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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