Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
