Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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