Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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