Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
