$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
