people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You have to summon your inner elephant
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize