I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
