Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
