some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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