Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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