12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
