So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Actions speak louder than pants.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
