if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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