is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
