thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
