Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
