I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
