Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
