Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
