feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
