Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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