wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize