Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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