know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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