On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
