Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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