I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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