he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
